Come with Love...

Most everyone knows the situation with my mother. She is a lot like a dementia patient. In fact they pretty much consider her to have dementia due to and “accident” or stroke. I mentioned earlier how she was so independent and strong, a go get’er type of person. Now she requires 24 hour supervision and needs numerous medications to help with multiple symptoms from anxiety to depression. It was really hard to deal with the sudden change in her. She went from making lunch for the whole family on Sundays, watching her grandkids, working 2 jobs (because she was bored) to wearing diapers and never being left alone for fear of her harming herself, like a 2 year old. At first we were told full recovery and a timeline of 6 months to a year. After that came and went… you start mourning the death of who she was. Yet, you’re reminded every time you see her. It’s like seeing a ghost. You’re reminded when she doesn’t call you on your birthday. And every Sunday when you’re getting out of church and thinking about lunch and you remember when it was a “no brainer” because mom always cooked.

God has always brought songs into my life at the most perfect times. Come with love reminds me that I am always His child and He not only knows my Birthday, He knows every hair on my head. He gave this song to Matt and me during a time that was really depressing. Satan was trying to convince me I was all alone and no one cared about me. I had no father and my mother only remembered me on a good days. It’s comical to me that I could possibly feel “alone” with 4 children! This song will always be particularly dear to my heart and any time I start to feel alone I listen and He calls me and showers me with a love no one could ever compete with!

You come with love, in the beauty of your holiness. With love you call me to your side. You draw my heart and you shower me with tenderness. Your loving arms are opened wide.

And so I come, I come with tenderness. And so I come, I come with love.

When the night is falling and the day is done, I can hear you calling, “Come” I will come while you sing over me.

When the night surrounds me, all my dreams undone, I can hear you calling, “Come” I will come while you sing over me

When the night would hide my way, I will listen until I hear you say, “How I love you child I love you, how I love you child, I love you. How I love you!”

“How I love you child I love you, how I love you child, I love you. How I love you!”

When this life is over and the race is run. I will hear you calling, “Come” I will come while you sing over me.

“How I love you child I love you…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrerGdYNQ9A&list=UUR9Ryk6Cts2aJGrRZu6ZMIA&index=18&feature=plcp

God's timing!

Wow! I don’t know why I keep reverting back to the same old human things… Maybe I’m human? We know as Christians, that God’s timing is not ours, right? But sometimes we forget that God’s timing doesn’t have to be a “deadline” set by someone else either! That’s what got me this time. Matt’s Rwanda money, $2000, was due by May 1^st. May 1^st came and he had $990 in his account. We scrambled around on Monday and Tuesday trying to figure out, with the mission’s office at church, if that meant he wasn’t going. The rule is, No money for what needs to be purchased for you, no purchase. Pretty simple. However, they were waiting to hear from the travel agent and we had a few hours at best to send out one more request. So, I did what I do best, hit my facebook!! All of you that hate it, well, if used correctly, it can be a blessing. Matt was able to raise another $310 in less than 24 hours. That’s awesome! When we talked with the missions department Wednesday night, we learned that the tickets would be purchased the next day and now, the ticket prices had gone up another $210. So he needed $2210 to purchase the ticket with and we only had $1300. We felt like we were back to square one. Translation, we felt defeated. God was trying to show us that we need to put our faith in Him. Should we do fundraisers, beg on facebook and send out letters? Of course! He never promised the cross would not be heavy! When Matt decided to answer a call, by God to go to Rwanda, we picked up a cross to carry. Sitting back and only saying God will provide while doing nothing to be a vessel, would have been self-righteous to say the least. But, He was trying to teach the both of us that His timing is divine and perfect just like His will for our lives. When we were discouraged Wednesday, God must have been so frustrated with us. I can hear Him now, “Look at those two! I already dropped a hint that they were able to use nearly an entire extra week past a due date, and they still are relying on man’s timing and not My own!” Thursday came and Matt accepted the fact that the money was not there and he would have a head start on next year. We hadn’t heard any different. On Monday, Matt was approached by “someone” and asked if he still wanted to go. Matt said of course but he was sure the tickets had been purchased. Well, come to find out, they hadn’t! He still had time, this “someone” offered to pay the remaining amount for his ticket and anything that he didn’t raise in the end but to continue raising money until the June deadline of $2900 total. He was also handed another $100 check that day separate and another $100 came straight to the church in his name! Shocked! Grateful! Astounded! Humbled!... Surprised! But why? Jesus was 4 days late to raise Lazarus. Late by our standards before hand, but perfectly on time by His standards and in hind sight! And we’re talking about someone being raised from the dead! Not money for a plane ticket, for a mission trip God called you to go on! Why were we so surprised? It makes you think. Faith is asking the mountain to move and only being surprised when it doesn’t! – Not when it does!

Just a few of my baby steps

You may have it all together, but when it came to me, well, balancing kids, husband, house, dinner, sports, weekends… well, the list goes on for all of us! A typical week for me could be challenging to say the least. Matt would get home around 6:45 to dinner, hopefully, then sit on the couch with the remote while I scrambled to finish laundry, pick up toys, order kids around, pass the living room and give husband dirty look for doing nothing. And then the devil starts…  “So, just because you don’t get a pay check for all you did today, it’s not work? You didn’t get to clock out? Who does he think he is? He needs to be helping fold and put laundry away!” This was an every night occurrence. So upset that I was still going up until bed time trying to “earn my keep.” I was letting my husband slip into this “bringing home the bacon roll.” Not his fault, mine. After a few weeks of exhaustion, mental that is, I began seeking God in helping me change my attitude. I knew my husband was a great man. Driving 59 miles one way to provide for his family! How could I have these terrible thoughts? Well, of course it was the liar, Satan. God asked me what I wanted out of my life. (husband and kids included) I really searched and was in Genesis seeing the life of Noah, Abraham, Isaac, their families. I wanted God to be the center. I knew with Him as the center, we would be blessed. We are at church 7-8 hours a week. But, other than my own daily reading, what were the rest of the family doing. I wanted family time every day. 30 minutes at least of all 6 of us talking about God, His blessings, our struggles, prayer.

Rusty Reese spoke in SS about getting up early to spend time in the word and with God. He mentioned times where Jesus had prayed before the sun had come up, symbolizing seeking God first in your daily lives. I began thinking about my family. It would be an easy task for me. I would implement a God and I time for the kids before their studies, but Matt left the house at 5:30am. Is it reasonable to ask him to get up an extra hour to start his day off with God? I began praying more diligently for him specifically. I realized how my husband didn’t have the opportunity to start his day with a devotion. Then God reminded me that he had an hour plus drive every morning. I decided to find a way to use that time. I went to my local library to see what kind of CD’s they had on devotions and Bible reading. I found they had the entire Bible on CD. It’s also considered an honor system item that isn’t “checked out” and doesn’t have a required return date. I wanted to set Matt up for a great day everyday. I knew he could get there by having a morning devotion but knew it would be a hard task seeing how early he leaves. But God was able to take time that can normally be so bothersome and use it for His glory! Now, Matt gets a morning devotion! I had planned on recording daily readings for him if I could find something else. So, glad to be blessed with these CD’s!!  

We started to see differences in both our attitudes. I also began giving myself “work hours” like everyone else. Being a stay @ home mom, who home schools, I decided to limit the amount I “let” myself do a day. My husband does so much that I didn’t want him coming home to work too. But, I didn’t want to still be folding laundry and allowing Satan to tell me he wasn’t helping. So, after dinner, no more house work! I found it was still there for me the next day. I also, realized that my children were VERY capable of doing chores, even liking it. Who knew? Most importantly, when my husband didn’t feel the pressure of laundry, dishes, floors, my evil eye, he was ready to spend his time with us. He started leading us in a short Bible study after dinner, usually while kids were having dessert. It didn’t have to be long, just short, sweet and to the point. The kids get it and they are eager to share what’s going on in their lives. They want you to know, but they want to know you have the time to listen.

My Blog's Purpose

Well, this is where I wanted to get to with my blog. But I am such a freak about organizing and what has to be done in orders I may never get there except by just jumping in. So, you will still see post about my past and testimony. My past and testimony is so important because, here I am, part of a church for nearly 6 years now and most of them don’t know who I am. I want everyone to know my heart and who I am.

With that said… I have made many changes in the past year that you’ll have to wait on those post to know or I’ll never get to the point. Ha! While sharing with close friends and family, I found that 2 are better than 1 and wanted to share my journey with them and was looking for an outlet to do that. Let’s be honest, taking 1 more day of the week to meet up for a few hours with friends isn’t practical when I’m looking for more time with my family! So, this is my outlet.

I wanted my husband to be a leader. I found, I was the one keeping him from being that. Some of it was me being strong willed and some was things we all do everyday and don’t even realize it to be in the way. So, I was asking God, “Why won’t he step it up?” He answered me, “Because you’re in the way.” Ouch! I never liked when you read the scriptures concerning women in the Bible and how they should submit and all that. But God said if you want him to truly lead, you have to be ready to follow.  So, this is me following God’s direction. I hope by sharing some of the things God has spoken to me about changing, will in turn help you too as wives and mothers. If any men read, maybe they can understand their wives or mothers a little better. God is still speaking because I am still seeking! I will never master this thing because I am human. Tomorrow, I will fail, but I hope I will recognize it and ask for forgiveness and try again. I truly love you all. There is no personal gain in my blog. I just wanted to share with my friend in the most convenient way possible so please comment and suggest. I am not the leader here. I would love the interaction from you!