Christian...

I know it’s been a while, but I’ve been plowing through the book Radical by David Platt. The chapters are so full of Biblical truth, that seeps deeper than I have ever thought before, that I find myself constantly stopping to pray and talk with God about things He is revealing to me. It’s really eye opening. Things I grew up believing were the Christian way are merely a very small token of the bigger picture. I have always witnessed the statistic of 10% of the church will carry out 100% of the job but I never really grasped what was actually involved in that 100%. I decided to “bing” Christian. Should be simple right? I opened a can of worms. I was even more disheartened by the many comments on open forums. Why does the world hate us so much? When I was younger, it wasn’t like this. People cared about others no mater their religion or status. In fact, the Bible teaches us, it is part of being a follower of Christ. But, instead, I see us labeling others in a way that only separates us. Let’s look at Christ and how He lived. Then compare our own lives, not those of others and see how we measure up. Jesus spent most of His ministry with 12 men. One of which we all know what happens in the end, greed. So, did Jesus miss something? Uhhh, No! He has all ways been, will all be, all knowing. He knew and even points it out before hand. So, did Jesus treat Judas any different? No. He knew the outcome but still ministered to him whole heartily. But today, we are consistently acting like the Levite or that certain Priest and crossing on the other side of the road. We have the “we are Christian, so not to blemish our facet, we need a large distance between us” attitudes. We compare ourselves to each other based on what we own as if it is a “blessing” status. “Wow, look at what they have, they must be living right. They are blessed” and “They are in a difficult situation, they must have forgotten to bless their breakfast this morning.” Instead of judging each other, why aren’t we doing as we are commanded, and loving our neighbor as ourselves. And for the record, it didn’t say “Love thy fellow Christian who holds the same status as you, as yourself.” Have you’re ever thought that you’re blessed so you can show God’s glory through blessing others? Not just faithfully giving your tithes and Sunday night missions offering. And definitely not to hoard all of it up for your own desires and glory. But blessing someone who is in a difficult situation, even if it’s the third time they’ve been there. Instead of resorting to labeling them, minister to them. According to the world’s standard, Jesus should have not invited Judas to the Last Supper. It would have been perfectly acceptable to block him on facebook and ultimately pass by on the other side of the road. Instead, Jesus loved him and showed compassion towards him. He ministered. Jesus Christ is the definition of Christian. And that’s just the beginning…

Come with Love...

Most everyone knows the situation with my mother. She is a lot like a dementia patient. In fact they pretty much consider her to have dementia due to and “accident” or stroke. I mentioned earlier how she was so independent and strong, a go get’er type of person. Now she requires 24 hour supervision and needs numerous medications to help with multiple symptoms from anxiety to depression. It was really hard to deal with the sudden change in her. She went from making lunch for the whole family on Sundays, watching her grandkids, working 2 jobs (because she was bored) to wearing diapers and never being left alone for fear of her harming herself, like a 2 year old. At first we were told full recovery and a timeline of 6 months to a year. After that came and went… you start mourning the death of who she was. Yet, you’re reminded every time you see her. It’s like seeing a ghost. You’re reminded when she doesn’t call you on your birthday. And every Sunday when you’re getting out of church and thinking about lunch and you remember when it was a “no brainer” because mom always cooked.

God has always brought songs into my life at the most perfect times. Come with love reminds me that I am always His child and He not only knows my Birthday, He knows every hair on my head. He gave this song to Matt and me during a time that was really depressing. Satan was trying to convince me I was all alone and no one cared about me. I had no father and my mother only remembered me on a good days. It’s comical to me that I could possibly feel “alone” with 4 children! This song will always be particularly dear to my heart and any time I start to feel alone I listen and He calls me and showers me with a love no one could ever compete with!

You come with love, in the beauty of your holiness. With love you call me to your side. You draw my heart and you shower me with tenderness. Your loving arms are opened wide.

And so I come, I come with tenderness. And so I come, I come with love.

When the night is falling and the day is done, I can hear you calling, “Come” I will come while you sing over me.

When the night surrounds me, all my dreams undone, I can hear you calling, “Come” I will come while you sing over me

When the night would hide my way, I will listen until I hear you say, “How I love you child I love you, how I love you child, I love you. How I love you!”

“How I love you child I love you, how I love you child, I love you. How I love you!”

When this life is over and the race is run. I will hear you calling, “Come” I will come while you sing over me.

“How I love you child I love you…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrerGdYNQ9A&list=UUR9Ryk6Cts2aJGrRZu6ZMIA&index=18&feature=plcp

God's timing!

Wow! I don’t know why I keep reverting back to the same old human things… Maybe I’m human? We know as Christians, that God’s timing is not ours, right? But sometimes we forget that God’s timing doesn’t have to be a “deadline” set by someone else either! That’s what got me this time. Matt’s Rwanda money, $2000, was due by May 1^st. May 1^st came and he had $990 in his account. We scrambled around on Monday and Tuesday trying to figure out, with the mission’s office at church, if that meant he wasn’t going. The rule is, No money for what needs to be purchased for you, no purchase. Pretty simple. However, they were waiting to hear from the travel agent and we had a few hours at best to send out one more request. So, I did what I do best, hit my facebook!! All of you that hate it, well, if used correctly, it can be a blessing. Matt was able to raise another $310 in less than 24 hours. That’s awesome! When we talked with the missions department Wednesday night, we learned that the tickets would be purchased the next day and now, the ticket prices had gone up another $210. So he needed $2210 to purchase the ticket with and we only had $1300. We felt like we were back to square one. Translation, we felt defeated. God was trying to show us that we need to put our faith in Him. Should we do fundraisers, beg on facebook and send out letters? Of course! He never promised the cross would not be heavy! When Matt decided to answer a call, by God to go to Rwanda, we picked up a cross to carry. Sitting back and only saying God will provide while doing nothing to be a vessel, would have been self-righteous to say the least. But, He was trying to teach the both of us that His timing is divine and perfect just like His will for our lives. When we were discouraged Wednesday, God must have been so frustrated with us. I can hear Him now, “Look at those two! I already dropped a hint that they were able to use nearly an entire extra week past a due date, and they still are relying on man’s timing and not My own!” Thursday came and Matt accepted the fact that the money was not there and he would have a head start on next year. We hadn’t heard any different. On Monday, Matt was approached by “someone” and asked if he still wanted to go. Matt said of course but he was sure the tickets had been purchased. Well, come to find out, they hadn’t! He still had time, this “someone” offered to pay the remaining amount for his ticket and anything that he didn’t raise in the end but to continue raising money until the June deadline of $2900 total. He was also handed another $100 check that day separate and another $100 came straight to the church in his name! Shocked! Grateful! Astounded! Humbled!... Surprised! But why? Jesus was 4 days late to raise Lazarus. Late by our standards before hand, but perfectly on time by His standards and in hind sight! And we’re talking about someone being raised from the dead! Not money for a plane ticket, for a mission trip God called you to go on! Why were we so surprised? It makes you think. Faith is asking the mountain to move and only being surprised when it doesn’t! – Not when it does!

Just a few of my baby steps

You may have it all together, but when it came to me, well, balancing kids, husband, house, dinner, sports, weekends… well, the list goes on for all of us! A typical week for me could be challenging to say the least. Matt would get home around 6:45 to dinner, hopefully, then sit on the couch with the remote while I scrambled to finish laundry, pick up toys, order kids around, pass the living room and give husband dirty look for doing nothing. And then the devil starts…  “So, just because you don’t get a pay check for all you did today, it’s not work? You didn’t get to clock out? Who does he think he is? He needs to be helping fold and put laundry away!” This was an every night occurrence. So upset that I was still going up until bed time trying to “earn my keep.” I was letting my husband slip into this “bringing home the bacon roll.” Not his fault, mine. After a few weeks of exhaustion, mental that is, I began seeking God in helping me change my attitude. I knew my husband was a great man. Driving 59 miles one way to provide for his family! How could I have these terrible thoughts? Well, of course it was the liar, Satan. God asked me what I wanted out of my life. (husband and kids included) I really searched and was in Genesis seeing the life of Noah, Abraham, Isaac, their families. I wanted God to be the center. I knew with Him as the center, we would be blessed. We are at church 7-8 hours a week. But, other than my own daily reading, what were the rest of the family doing. I wanted family time every day. 30 minutes at least of all 6 of us talking about God, His blessings, our struggles, prayer.

Rusty Reese spoke in SS about getting up early to spend time in the word and with God. He mentioned times where Jesus had prayed before the sun had come up, symbolizing seeking God first in your daily lives. I began thinking about my family. It would be an easy task for me. I would implement a God and I time for the kids before their studies, but Matt left the house at 5:30am. Is it reasonable to ask him to get up an extra hour to start his day off with God? I began praying more diligently for him specifically. I realized how my husband didn’t have the opportunity to start his day with a devotion. Then God reminded me that he had an hour plus drive every morning. I decided to find a way to use that time. I went to my local library to see what kind of CD’s they had on devotions and Bible reading. I found they had the entire Bible on CD. It’s also considered an honor system item that isn’t “checked out” and doesn’t have a required return date. I wanted to set Matt up for a great day everyday. I knew he could get there by having a morning devotion but knew it would be a hard task seeing how early he leaves. But God was able to take time that can normally be so bothersome and use it for His glory! Now, Matt gets a morning devotion! I had planned on recording daily readings for him if I could find something else. So, glad to be blessed with these CD’s!!  

We started to see differences in both our attitudes. I also began giving myself “work hours” like everyone else. Being a stay @ home mom, who home schools, I decided to limit the amount I “let” myself do a day. My husband does so much that I didn’t want him coming home to work too. But, I didn’t want to still be folding laundry and allowing Satan to tell me he wasn’t helping. So, after dinner, no more house work! I found it was still there for me the next day. I also, realized that my children were VERY capable of doing chores, even liking it. Who knew? Most importantly, when my husband didn’t feel the pressure of laundry, dishes, floors, my evil eye, he was ready to spend his time with us. He started leading us in a short Bible study after dinner, usually while kids were having dessert. It didn’t have to be long, just short, sweet and to the point. The kids get it and they are eager to share what’s going on in their lives. They want you to know, but they want to know you have the time to listen.

My Blog's Purpose

Well, this is where I wanted to get to with my blog. But I am such a freak about organizing and what has to be done in orders I may never get there except by just jumping in. So, you will still see post about my past and testimony. My past and testimony is so important because, here I am, part of a church for nearly 6 years now and most of them don’t know who I am. I want everyone to know my heart and who I am.

With that said… I have made many changes in the past year that you’ll have to wait on those post to know or I’ll never get to the point. Ha! While sharing with close friends and family, I found that 2 are better than 1 and wanted to share my journey with them and was looking for an outlet to do that. Let’s be honest, taking 1 more day of the week to meet up for a few hours with friends isn’t practical when I’m looking for more time with my family! So, this is my outlet.

I wanted my husband to be a leader. I found, I was the one keeping him from being that. Some of it was me being strong willed and some was things we all do everyday and don’t even realize it to be in the way. So, I was asking God, “Why won’t he step it up?” He answered me, “Because you’re in the way.” Ouch! I never liked when you read the scriptures concerning women in the Bible and how they should submit and all that. But God said if you want him to truly lead, you have to be ready to follow.  So, this is me following God’s direction. I hope by sharing some of the things God has spoken to me about changing, will in turn help you too as wives and mothers. If any men read, maybe they can understand their wives or mothers a little better. God is still speaking because I am still seeking! I will never master this thing because I am human. Tomorrow, I will fail, but I hope I will recognize it and ask for forgiveness and try again. I truly love you all. There is no personal gain in my blog. I just wanted to share with my friend in the most convenient way possible so please comment and suggest. I am not the leader here. I would love the interaction from you!

Only Satisfied!

God speaks to me often through song. He gives me a song during some tough and trying times in my life.

Life happened in fast forward for me. I married my high school sweetheart in 2000. Had our first child a year later in 2001. We built our 1^st house in 2002 and welcomed baby #2 a month after moving in. Things seemed to be smooth sailing. New house, new cars, good jobs, eat out when we want, shop where we want. The “American Dream”, right? Brody was had just turned 1 when we found out the baby #3 was on the way.  Ok, we can do this, what’s 1 more? I was on my 6 weeks of maternity leave with Bryli-Kate when I get a letter in the mail from my employer. “Congratulations on the baby, however, we will not be holding your position while you are on leave. You no longer have a position here at the company. Good luck in your future endeavors.” Seriously? So, I set out to find a new job. Crazy the reaction you get when they find out you have 3 children 3 and under. So, slowly bills became heavier, until one day you have to choose which ones take importance. Before long, we realized the house payment, 2 car payments along with the necessities were too much. We put the house on the market with a few bites but nothing panning out. Then, we added lease purchase to broaden our customer pool. We had this really nice lady come with her son and we talked and she loved the house. She had a steady job and a boyfriend who would be contributing also. Things looked good. We were going to save money and make it finally! About the same time, God moved us from a church I had been a member of most of my life to Hopewell. So, recap. From 2000 to 2005, we got married, had 3 kids, build a house and tried to sell a house and God moved us to Hopewell after being at a church for 20 years. Lots of changes, right? You have no idea! We were loving Hopewell and learning about having a relationship with God verses know about God. We were figuring out why you should seek God in EVERY decision you make. And not just seek Him, but listen to the answer! About 9 months go by and our lessee goes from paying promptly on the 1^st of the month to paying on the 5^th and then 10^th and so on. Each time, I would get a new excuse. Her father had a heart attack and was in the hospital in Florida and she would be back and have all she owed us was the last I heard from her. That was when she was 2 months behind and the 3^rd month was coming quick. I go on to the house to confront her after unanswered calls and find that she destroyed my home.  Literally! She had left 12 dogs in the house for 2 weeks, don’t worry they eventually broke windows and ate through walls to get out. When you walked in, flees attacked you to a point that you thought you grew freckles instantly. Millions, Billions I’m sure. You can only imagine the floor’s condition. Hall County deemed it uninhabitable. And posted notices on it. It was a big price tag to redeem it, besides the payments we were now behind on. So, we had to make a decision. Let the bank have it. Couldn’t sell it, couldn’t put a new tenant in it. Couldn’t move back in it ourselves. I struggled long and hard over my “American dream”. About that time, praise team was given CD’s of song we were thinking about either doing as a choir or doing in praise sets. “Only Satisfied” was track 11. It didn’t take long before I wore a rut in the CD and needed a replacement. I was so caught up in doing what the world accepted as normal. House, Cars, Credit Cards, but I wasn’t ever satisfied. I had a car that was paid for and ran perfect. So, why did I need a new one? Because that one was 4 years old? Seriously? There is always emptiness when you try to live by the world standards. The world is never satisfied. And when we try to live by their standards, we are never satisfied. We are not of the world as Christians! What more do we need in this life than “Living Water, Bread of Life. My desire, my delight. I have tasted and I have seen, that all You are, is all I’ll ever need! I am only satisfied in You! I am only satisfied in You! In a world of empty answers, you’re the way the life the truth, and I am only satisfied, in You! We were made by your design, to thirst and crave for love divine. Nothing here can truly fill, the desperate heart. No nothing ever will, cause I am only satisfied in You! I am only satisfied in You! In a world of empty answers, you’re the way the life the truth, and I am only satisfied, in You!” We are thirsting for more of Him, yet we try to fill it with the world. Sometimes its possessions, Sometimes it’s the love of a man or woman, but our desire should be for the Lord and when we can focus on Him, everything else seems brighter, happier, cleaner, just better. It just falls into place. He is our provider. He is our Shelter. “Oh God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen You in the sanctuary and beheld Your power and Your glory. Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You. I will praise You as long as I live and in Your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise You.” Psalm 63:1-5 When the devil tries to get me down over not owning my own home anymore or no having the luxury of going out and buying a new one every year or two, I remember that I made a decision to place my satisfaction in the Lord, Jesus Christ. God in the flesh who came to earth with no possessions. No place to lay His head at night. And He did it all to die for me. Holy is He!

Darkness into Light

“You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light.” 2 Samuel 22:29

On March 7, 2011, I had a hysterectomy to correct a moderate prolapse of the uterus. Do not Google that! Pictures I never wanted to see. Surgery was a success. I had reconstruction work done, which makes me feel like an old house by the way! With the extra tacks and such, I was not to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk for 6 weeks. Those that know me, know what a challenge this was! March 24^th I was headed on to the “back stretch” of recovery, Matt was headed on a men’s retreat for the weekend. I had no complications to this point and suddenly with one pull of the dog’s collar, blood, and lots of it. It was about 10pm, I had just sat back down on the couch from putting the dog away and was talking with a friend who came to “hang” with me.  I cough and suddenly feel like I have just “peed” on myself. I jump up, horrified that all 4 of my children are potty trained and I still have issues, and find that it was blood and not urine. It however was coming out it large amounts that’s why I had that sensation. By midnight I had ruined 2 sets of clothes and soaked through 2 “granny” pads. You know the ones, huge thick diaper like pads. Same happens until I finally go to sleep around 2:30am. I wake a little before 6am, soaked of course and head to the shower. I finally decide that it’s worse that I can handle alone and call my husband. He decides to come home and take me to the Dr. Thank goodness, because there is no one else that I would want to be with me in this situation. I call the doctor’s office at 8am. They of course want to see me immediately. I get another call from them immediately after making sure I’m bringing someone with me. Comforting. On the way, I call on my face book friends to pray for me. I was worried and all I could utter was “God, help me!” I didn’t know what else to say, but I knew that my family and friends would up lift me and they did. I get to the doctor and they examine me, she rushes out the door to call my doctor, who is at a conference. She comes back and asks Matt if he can drive me to the hospital or if they should call an ambulance and she keeps repeating, “It’s going to be ok!” I was trying to decide if she was trying to convince me or herself. The plan was to check my blood counts to determine if I need a transfusion and to do a CT to determine where the blood is coming from and if it’s pooling up inside of my abdomen. Then, surgery. Dun, dun, dun! Blood counts come back at 14! Now Google blood counts, you’ll find the 14 falls in the good and normal range. What?! But I’ve now bled through those “granny” pads for nearly 12 hours. How can my blood counts be 14? Yeah, you know that answer. So, it becomes a waiting game and “re-do” of blood work that evening and again the next morning. So, from about 10 am that morning until 4pm that afternoon, I lay on a gurney in the dark ER room while they determine what the next plan of action is. Worried and out of control, I just listen. I could feel the peace that all my friends were praying over me. It was calm and quiet. A stillness indescribable. A song enters my heart, “How great is our God!” They decide to admit me and put me on the pre-surgical floor, still anticipating surgery. This young guy comes and gets me to move me. He’s got a spirit like I’ve never experienced in the hospital. Happy, upbeat, like he was hangin’ with friends. We round the corner on the fourth floor and approach my room at the end of the hallway. The sun is shining so bright through the window that I raise my hands to shield my eyes. And the song continues. “He wraps Himself in light, and darkness tries to hide, and trembles at His voice and trembles at His voice. How great is our God, sing with me How Great is our God. And all will see how great, how great, is our God!” He was with me the whole time. From then until they released me the next evening, the bleeding had almost stopped completely except for a little spotting. Sometimes we don’t know why we go through some of the things we do. But we are promised that He is with us always and that He will not give us more than we can handle. Besides, with the promise that He is always with us, what could possibly be “too much”? “Age to age He stands and time is in His hands, beginning and the end, beginning and the end. The God Head Three in one. Father, Spirit, Son, The Lion and the Lamb, The Lion and the Lamb. How great is our God, sing with me How Great is our God. And all will see how great, how great, is our God!” So, I’m singing How Great my God is so all will see how great He is! Sounds like a mission’s song! Hmm…

Why I home school...

Why do I home school? I home school because I saw my children and my life cluttered with public school. I know what you’re thinking. I became a stay at home mom In October and had the “best of both worlds.” I get to wake the kids at 6:15, get them ready for school, feed them breakfast and put them on a school bus not to “deal” with them until the bus drops them off at 2:45. Eight hours to myself to clean, grocery shop, study my Bible. Who could ask for more? Right? Wrong! No matter how hard I tried to stay positive, my children were so stressed out when they got home, that it became a dreaded time when they got off the bus.  With another couple of hours of homework, making dinner, outside play with the neighborhood kids, baths and bedtime soon to follow, where was I suppose to fit in some good “quality” time with them? I saw my children 30 minutes before the bus came to pick them up (usually not a good 30 minutes, grouchy babies that didn’t want to go to school) a couple hours of homework help after school, dinner and baths to average a total of 4 to 5 hours, if I was lucky. Yet, I sent them off to a public school system, that doesn’t allow God, or his views, for 8 hours a day. Even if I got up preaching and teaching God, got them off the bus preaching and teaching God, I was still falling behind. Studies show that kids should get a recommended 12 hours of sleep at night for proper brain development. If we follow that regimen, we only leave ourselves with 4 hours, at best with them, and only if we ignore the cooking dinner and helping each child individually with their homework. That’s half the time we’ve let the ungodly public school have them each day. The numbers do not lie here. My mother use to have a saying. She would say, “Becki, if you take a white piece of paper and you put it in a bag of dirt, does the white from the paper rub off on the dirt, or does the dirt rub off on the paper?” Although, she was talking about the company I was keeping, wouldn’t this apply to the influence we subject our children to each and every day? So, can you see that now with my 4 children with me 24 hours out of the day (10-12 sleeping) I have an opportunity to instill in them the Holy Word of God? This is why I home school. Do I sit them down and pull out the Bible the entire time we are awake? No, but I get the opportunity to bring in Godly values in all areas of life, even Math! Nothing better than limiting Satan’s influence in their lives, instead of limiting God’s! “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” Proverbs 22:6

Misconception

When we read blogs or read self help books, sometimes we are under the misconception that the author is claiming to have mastered the skill they write about. This is a lie of the Devil! Satan wants you to feel inferior to this person in hope of making you believe that there is no reason for you to try, because it’s out of reach. You have too much to fix before you can live that way. Wrong!

First of all, remember that if Satan is speaking, he is lying! How do you know its Satan speaking? God would never tear you down. God would never tear your spouse apart in your eyes. God would never tear your children apart in your eyes or anyone else for that matter. So, the “I’m not good enough, He’s not good enough, there’s no hope for them” ideas that enter our heads, are all lies from Satan. When I write a blog, I make it part of my daily devotions. I am learning it as I am typing it. I have found if you take notes, you remember it better. Or, if I hear myself repeat it, I retain it better. So, don’t let Satan lie to you and say I have accomplished an unreachable goal. Or, that I’m there! I’ve reached my destination and I’m boasting, I am learning and sharing what I’m learning as I’m learning it! That’s the beauty of this for me. I’m not mastering a skill; I’m learning to hand a situation to the Master. Will I let my life clutter up tomorrow? Did anyone see what kind of weekend I had? Of course, tomorrow, I will learn again! My blog is me learning in real time and inviting you into my Bible study. Every day is a new battle, every battle is spiritual. Whether we recognize it or not. “And the Lord said to Satan, ‘From where do you come?’ So Satan answered the Lord and said, ‘From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it.’” Job 1:7   It’s time we recognize that Satan hate us. He wants us to fail. There is nothing here that we can do alone! Seriously, if we could be humble and know that “I can’t even walk, without you holding my hand” we wouldn’t clutter up our lives near as much.

Weekend

Whew! What a weekend! I still have so much to say. Really would have been nice to have had my laptop. Could have gotten a lot done! Thanks to all for the prayers for me. This is a small bump in the road to recovery, but I will have more couch time to blog now!

Simple Things to Start Implementing a De-cluttered lifestyle

First of all, we have to stop lying to ourselves and listening to lies and start believing in things that are true.
Truth #1 Know who God is and that He is ALL you need. There is nothing too small to take to the Lord first. I have found that we can get caught up in life here on earth. Our daily plans are so often first centered around home, kids, husbands, chores, finances, desires, just to name a few, but I've learned that when my day centers around God, kids attitudes change, my husband enjoys us when he gets home. The house looks a little bit cleaner, even when I did nothing at all. Maybe all because my eyes were seeing clearer, my heart was cleaner, my attitude was joyful. If God created the entire universe in 6 days, why do I think He needs me to jump up and be author of my day? Planning, cleaning, budgeting, organizing, and getting a jump start on MY day without recognizing Him first. Here's a thought, describe a CEO of a major corporation. Did you think of "the big man" up at headquarters that we rarely see? And when he comes, we have someone bring in cleaners to get the place top notch. We plan for His arrival. We're scared he will see our failures. Sweep everything under the rug. Hide those bad files in the supply closet and lock the door! So often, we as Christians see God as CEO, a worldly CEO. We contact Him only when we can't get out of it, can't fix it or clean it ourselves. We attend that weekly conference call as to fulfill a duty. We call upon our self-help books before the Bible to straighten it all out. And most times, we don't want Him to show up at all. We want to plan His visits. But that is NOT God at all! We are not a salesman going door to door, trying to meet quotas, while He sits somewhere waiting on us to report stats to Him. Absolutely not. "We then, as workers together with Him..." 2 Corinthians 6:1 We are working with Him. He knows the stats already. There is nothing to hide. No reason to go into work early to clean up a mess before the boss gets there. He was there when you created the mess. In fact, the Holy Spirit is doing the work, often without us as the vessels we are created to be, because we are bogged down with cleaning a mess that we can't clean ourselves. Then, we are busy trying to hide it! God created us, don't you think He knows us. Like a mother knows when the house falls silent, something’s up. Difference is, we have to investigate. God already knows because He is here. He doesn't have to be invited to our services, to our homes, in our lives. He just needs to be recognized in them. Are you recognizing God in EVERYTHING you do? Or are you believing a lie, that because you didn't send the invitation, maybe He won't show up today? Are you recognizing Him for who He is? "Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt'?" Job 38:8-11 I'm reminded of a time recently, while exiled to the recliner for recovery from surgery, there was a zu-zu pet, a toy hamster, under a chair that I could clearly see from my view. Every time one of the kids would pass by, I would ask them to pick up the toy and put it in the toy box. A week went by and the toy remained. So, why do I think I can do more or even as much as my Heavenly, when after 7 days of requests from me the toy remained, yet He only had to tell the oceans once, "You can only come this far" and they listen. Why would I want to do it alone, when I have someone so mighty in my life? Yet, day after day we hold on to all those little things we don't need help with. These little things are clutter!
Truth #2 Satan is a LIAR "...When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44b Jesus tells us that when Satan speaks, he's lying. Simple as that. I haven't had a home phone in our home for a while, mainly because of Brody calling 911 and telling the operator that parents spank kids! Yep, don't know how I got away with no DFCS agents on my doorstep, but I did. So, when recently, I decided to place one in my home again, I sat everyone down for a safety talk. What is a real emergency? When do you call 911? While having this conversation, the kids’ imaginations ran wild. "Well, what if someone steals Bryli from the front yard." Brody asks. And all of a sudden, I realized that dialing 911 wasn't so important. They were already having their very own fears instilled in them at such an early age. I took the time to explain to them safety precautions in the event, something so unimaginable happened. The one thing God spoke to me at that very point in time was tell them he's a liar. So, that's exactly what I did. I expressed to them how Satan was placing fears in them before something had even happened and IF something like that did, to know, that is Satan in the flesh, so everything that person promised or threatened to do, was a lie! Do not believe him. Tell anyone you see that he is a liar and took you. Not to let him scare you into believing that he would hurt you or your family if you speak up, because he took you, he had already hurt us both. I told them these things, not to scare them but to ease their minds. These were fears Satan was already putting in their innocent little minds. Bryli asked, "But, what if you don't know I'm gone for years? And you don't know to look for me?" Its common sense for us adults, how could we not know she was missing? But Satan was already filling her head with the "no one cares" scenario that we believe in simple issues in our own lives. Satan lies to us everyday. He places fears in us before something can even happen so we will be so overcome with fear that we are virtually paralyzed. "You better not let anyone know your loosing your home. What a failure they will think you are! Why should you tell them anyway? They don't care. There's nothing they can do to help!" or "Don't bother them with your prayer request. Mr. Doe has cancer. He needs their prayers more than you do. That would be so selfish of you to even ask." We have to stand up to him! Yell at him! Tell him that he has no rights over us and our families. He can't have our hearts so he attacks our minds with lies and fears everyday. Don't let him stick around. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7 Satan is busy, especially busy with our children. They trust. They trusted that Satan was telling them truth more than believing that God would be with them in EVERY situation in life, big or small. So, often we expect them to stand firm in their faith by themselves for hours a day and wonder why they have bad attitudes and nightmares.

It’s time we recognize God and who He is daily, in everything we do and get ourselves into, good and bad. He’s not just a problem solver. The moment we wake, we as Christians, are in the presence of God Almighty. Don’t ignore Him. It’s also time to realize when Satan is filling our heads with junk and cut him off mid-sentence to say, “Get away from me Satan!”  Out loud if you have to! Try it, it works! Set up good study habits. Seek God first! Whenever it is your day starts. If you give yourself 30 minutes to get ready, give God at least the same. It’s just double the getting ready. It’s like extending the shower. You never really want to get out, but eventually, the water turns cold. So, see this as extending your shower. Let God cleanse you and shower you with blessings of grace and mercy every morning.

My Salvation Story

Since I can remember, I have attended church. Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, revival, VBS, we went to church and loved it. I knew about God and Jesus and heard all the Sunday school stories. So naturally, at a young age, I started raising my hand wanting to be saved during alter calls. When I was 7, my parents asked me if I wanted to be saved and naturally, I said yes. My parents prayed for me that day and I professed that I had been saved. But during a youth revival, when I was 12, God singled me out. He showed me that I didn’t pray for myself that day 5 years earlier. I remember thinking about the embarrassment that my friends, whom I had fooled, would know that it had all been a show. But, thank God, the pull of Holy Spirit was so strong and encouraging that I couldn’t wait to jump and nearly run to the alter. I remember such a relief almost the moment I made the very first step. Satan had been trying to fill my head with the lies he’s so good at telling. Lies about embarrassment. Lies that my mother would be mad. Lies that all my friends would turn their back on me. But, I eventually had to tell him to shut up and make it about me and Jesus. No one else. Because no one else was worth going to hell for. Beauty of it all, those lies were exactly that, lies! When I finished praying, completely unaware of what was going on around me, I stood up to find, my best friend had just given her life to Christ and also 5 others from our youth group. Randy Rhye was the guest evangelist preaching that night. It was April 18^th.  I’ll never forget that day. Every time Satan tries to make me doubt, I remember the “jump and run” feeling I had. It was electrifying, refreshing, cool rain and walking on hot coals all in one!! But most of all, I remember the forgiveness and tender touch from my Heavenly Father. Welcoming me into the family. Nothing like it!

My Mother the Motivator!

My mother was the strongest woman I know! She had the "let's get off our butt's and do what we've gotta do to make this happen" attitude. My father, being a sickly man most of his life, could only earn minimum wage in the early years. So, my mother often worked more than 1 job to make ends meet. We played sports, got Birthday presents, Christmas presents, Easter baskets and never skipped a beat. She cooked, cleaned, grew strawberries and we would pick vegetables from friends gardens. She never got the recognition she deserved from employers, or us for that matter, but never expected it like we do today. She cooked for new moms, neighbors who were sick, US! I don't know how she did it all?! But, I know why... she loved my father and us more than life! She volunteered with the youth group at church and the children's choir when I was young. I never saw her in a vunerable state until my father died. We were her motivation. Daddy died and she had an empty nest all within 18 days of each other. All that motivation came to a screeching hault. So, she took a vacation the week after the wedding. Guess where she went? To PCB, Fl. Guess where I went on my honeymoon? PCB, Fl. So, I bet I'm the only one that can say their mother showed up on their honeymoon! Ha! Yikes? Nah... Did we leave early? Yes! We didn't stay in the same hotels, but there was a strange comfort in knowing she was there with the "Grizwald's" - a whole 'nother story! For once, she needed us. A test-drive if you will for what was to come. In 2004 my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer and underwent surgery to remove 1/3 of her colon. She swore us to secrecy! No one could know she was in the hospital! She was running for tax commisioner for Hall County. She set up the plans for the hospital denying she was even at the hospital even though she would be staying a few days! She was released from the hospital and had a speaking engagement she refused to cancel the next day! Wonder where I get my "can't hold me down" attitude? Hmmm... 9 months later, she woke up late, a woman who never slept past 6 am a day in her life. She rushed to the bathroom, jumps in the shower, but couldn't remember how to turn on the water. She looks in the mirror to brush her hair, but how exactly does she fix it? She can't remember. She gets in the car, how does it start? She approaches Winder Hwy, but which side do I drive on? She continues and stops at Chick-fil-A. "Good morning, and thank you for choosing Chick-fil-A, How may I serve you", the attendant asks. "I don't know", she replies. Mom was able to do routine thinks, like those days you get to work but can't remember making all those turns or observing redlights. The ladies at Chick-fil-A knew her so well, they were able to help her with her order although they thought it odd she couldn't remember what she has ordered everyday for the past several months. She gets to work and my mother, a retired senior accountant for Hall County Ga, couldn't remember how to turn on her computer. A co-worker knew this wasn't right and called our eldest sister Angie immediately. But it must go on record that Angie was called first only because her name started with "A", not because she was the favorite! Just keepin' it real Ang! Love ya! But "B" came next! Ha! After CT's they determined she had a stroke. A bleeding kind. Then, they found she had a smaller one before we all missed! Yikes! So, began the daunting task of "who's the president" or "what year is it" type questions because as she consistantly got them right, it meant the brain was soaking up the blood and she was recovering. She spent less than a week in the hospital and was released practically straight from ICU. And of course with the "don't tell anyone this happend" attitude. Strong and proud! She made a full recovery and kept movin on with life. On April 3, 2008, I had just finished my mail route, picked up the kids and headed home. As I was backing into the driveway, I hit the garage door opener and nothing happen. "Stupid, Garage door!" Frustrated I began hitting it several times, nothing. I go to the front door and walk in realizing, my power has been turned off?! What?! I paid it! I called the electric company. "Well, mam, you did pay it, but you wrote the check for $3.95 less than the bill." the representative replies. "Regardless of my mistake, it was just due last week. Shouldn't the extra roll over to the next month, alerting me of the mistake." I say with MUCH sarcasm. "Mam, we reserve the right to suspend accounts when they are 5 days overdue." she holds her compulsure. "By $3.95?" My voice thunders in the reciever. "Well, yes. But, I agree that it sounds absurd. I'll waive any fees this time and schedule you for a connect. But you'll have to be more careful in the future." I hang up and out of anger and frustration look towards heaven and scream "Where are you?!" My phone rang at that precise moment... It's Kristy, mom's had another stroke and this one is bad. Come quick... How's that for an instant answer? Insert Scripture... The entire book of Job! I was completely embarassed, I now need to turn to Him and ask for healing and protection but first, I needed forgiveness. Why was it His fault? I screwed up? I can't answer that any other way than, its not! But in a moment of disappointment, I let Satan tell me He didn't care. I share because I learn more in my valleys than on the mountain tops. Psalms 84:5-9 "...As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs;...They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion..." These are my pools I'm leaving behind to encourage, mentor, support, whatever you may get from these mini testimonies of life. Mom was on her lunch break and running an errand for work. She popped her head into the Oakwood tag office branch to greet some old friends and ask about the buffet a few doors down in the same shopping center. She heads out to have lunch and about 15 minutes later, a gentleman escorts her back to the tag office and asks if anyone in there knew who she was. In a matter of minutes life changed dramatically. When she left the tag office she stumbled into the Oakwood Bodyplex gym, holding her head, disoriented. A man working out spotted her and came to her aid sitting her down and giving her water. Then, by the way she was dressed, knew she was in the wrong place. He decided to walk her to the tag office to see if anyone knew her. Luckily, everyone there knew her and knew about the previous stroke. Yeah, we were never good at keeping secrets. They were able to call 911 and alert them this was a stroke. When I arrived at the hospital, the neurologist had just walked in to speak with us. The look on his face, grim. "This was a big one and they will be taking her up to ICU. Say something now because she will be unconcious soon." Shock. And, don't look at each other, you'll cry. Cry? Is that what I'm worried about? Being a "strong" woman? That's not a "strong" woman, that's a "proud" woman. "Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor. Proverbs 18:12 We find out that evening that the stroke has occured in the basal ganglia- sometimes refered to as grand central station. The stroke has also clogged up an important area with blood causing Hydrocephalus - built up of fluid on the brain. They insert a shunt into her scull to drain the excess fluids. She spends the first week in ICU, in and out of consciencness. We ask the nessasary questions. you know, "What year is it?" "Who's the president?" And she's annoyed. I go to work the day after a good day only to usually be called back because she's been unresponsive since then. At the begining of week 2, I head up for my morning shift at the ICU. We all take turns because its not good for all of us to be there leaving families to fend for themselves going on week 2. She taught us well, and would have been unhappy with the thought of all the attention she was getting. I remember walking in to the ICU department and hearing someone laboring to breath. Its gets louder and louder and I find its my mother. She's awake, but her expression is terror. She can't talk, she's concentrating on breathing. Her nurse bounces in to introduce herself. I asked her how long she had been breathing that way and she asked, "Oh, is this not normal? This is the first time I've had her as a patient." I demanded a doctor STAT! Her neurologist comes quickly and immediatly says, "Hmm, this is new." I really feel like using terms from the blue collar comedy tour at this point. Someone is either a redneck or is getting a  new sign. It was just that dumb to even be having that conversation. Really people? Her breathing was so loud I could hear it a good 100ft away. After a quick exam, it's determined she has lost her gag reflex. The ability to control her airway verses, eating and swallowing. If she chocked on water, she couldn't cough or gag. The doctor determines that she can breath because her oxygen levels are still in the 90's and if they fall below 95 we will revisit the situation. Let's watch her. I ask her, "Mom, can you breath?" she shakes her head, no. The doctor explains that she only "thinks" she can't breath. That afternoon she is below 95 and Kristy and I find that a nurse is feeding her applesauce?! When we questioned her, she appologized and said she couldn't read the docotor's handwriting where he wrote "Do not feed, no gag reflex." By evening her oxygen levels are in the 80's but we're still watching her. The next morning they fall in the 70's and they decide to do a CT thinking maybe another stroke. As they are bringing her out of the CT, she "crashes" and they have to intibate to save her life. They put her back into the CT, something must have just changed, but can't really assess much because of the amount of blood still on the brain. So, now she is intibated, with a shunt in her head and unconscience. They decide she needs a feeding tube because she can't eat, don't know when she'll eat again. We would ask questions to doctors and nurses concerning her prognosis and the doctors were saying full recovery, nurses would say "I've seen them come back from worse honey." But, my favorite answer I got from a night nurse, Honey, I don't know. Honest, not boasting with expertise. Just a true down to earth conversation of we don't know what our days hold, because we don't hold our days. "My times are in your hands..." Psalms 31:15a After about two and a half weeks, insurance wanted mom out of ICU. She is still in and out of conscienciousness, intibated now with a trake, shunt still in her head, feeding tube, pnumonia and they want her out. Someone who still needs around the clock care of ICU needs to be kicked out. Overall, she stayed in the ICU two and a half weeks, first floor for two and a half more weeks, and then serveral weeks in rehab. Insurance actually moved her to rehab with all the above ailments. I'll never be a fan of insurance companies. She was in the hospital for about two to two and a half months. She has severe frontal lobe damage and when the blood finally cleared, they discovered 4 strokes that occured between the first one we knew about and this one. She pretty much is similar to an alzheimer's patient only with the memories but without the daily ability to function and make decisions. Her voice and personality have changed. But God knew she could have never handled a stroke affecting motor skills and be in her right mind. she was too strong a woman to let someone else take care of her. I know there is a purpose, I don't what it is, yet. I may never know here on earth. But you keep on going on. You get up off your butt and get it done! As she would say. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

My Daddy! My Hero!

I absolutely adored my father! He had a heart of gold and would do or give you anything that he had, although that wasn't much. He was 12 or 13 when he was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. What did that mean to me growing up? Well, playing nurse and fighting over who got to "shoot" daddy, today! I thought everybody got to give their dad a shot everyday. It was the "norm". I remember, in the early years, he worked at David Washington now known as Wild Wings in Gainesville! It was a lumber supply company. He later worked for Peachtree Doors in Gainesville. My "smell" memories, sawdust and Brut. He was a simple man, never used shampoo, only bar soap. Hated all condiments, except salt and pepper. No ketchup, mustard, A-1, Heinz 57, butter, marinara sauce, Alfredo sauce, plain only! He never ate Karaoke! Funny story... Took him to NY with me in High school and the dinner theater marquee stated that Wednesday's were Karaoke night and my father's comment was, "You know I don't eat that stuff!" Ha! What's the saying? "You can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy!" Simple Man! When I was about 12, he lost 1 leg to the disease. That's when diabetes became real to me. Oh, we had real fun times before that like dodging the glass of coke Kristy and I tried to feed him to bring his sugar levels back up before he bottomed out and ended up in a coma... That's the day we learned you put it in a plastic cup and not glass! Or the time we went camping, his sugar bottomed out in the middle of the night at a camp ground., in a tent. We woke to dad doing the "bicycle" in the air and eventually tearing down the tent on top of us. Mom, Kristy and I wrestled him into the car and off to the nearest hospital. On the way he kicked us, pulled our hair like he was a 2 year old and we just took his toy. At one point my face was plastered against the dashboard, Kristy's against the back window and mom's hair being pulled while trying to drive. I type this with a smile because as crazy as it was, we were together and we remember camping with a maniac, I mean father and I wonder just what the neighboring tents thought was going on next door! Sorry, but I just have to giggle! Funnier story, when we get to the hospital, they preform x-rays on him! When I was 17, he came down with pneumonia and ended up in the ER where he was to receive routine fluids and go home with the the usual prescriptions only, the fluids built up around his heart and he had congestive heart failure and then a heart attack. I'll never forget the nurse bring my mother his wedding band in the waiting room and then death became real to me. He didn't die then, but he spent pretty much all summer in the hospital recovering. He left the hospital with his second leg amputated, and complete kidney failure. He started out with dialysis 2 times a week a couple hours a day and progressed to 3 times a week almost all day. He didn't give up though! No sir! He learned to walk with 2 prosthetic legs and continue to live life serving others. He was known in our youth group at church for taking a leg off and placing behind the tire of the church van as a practical joke. He served as an usher on Sundays and did it all with a smile on his face. I was proud of my daddy, my hero! I was proud he was mine! Not ashamed that my dad didn't have legs, proud that he didn't let that slow him down! When I was 19, the wedding plans were well on way for May 6, 2000. I was marring my best friend and my daddy's second side kick, for I was the 1st. They were 2 peas in a pod sitting on the end of the bed watching sports together! Oh, yeah, and occasionally, That 70's show! Don't ask! On April 18, 2000, 18 days before mine and Matt's wedding, my daddy died of massive heart attack. I was sad. No butterfly kisses song, No pre-wedding talk of encouragement just before walking me down the aisle. Just, not how I imagined it and not enough time to imagine a new way. Pure shock! But God, knew exactly what He was doing with the timing. We burried him on Good Friday that year, We had a wedding shower on Saturday, 2 weeks to finalize wedding plans and change a few, before we knew it, the wedding came and we cried at the rehersal and I laughed with my husband through the wedding! What's the saying? "The more you laugh at the rehersal, the more you cry at the Wedding!" Well, we did it opposite! But imagine with me if you will, in the midst of death and sorrow, a wedding! Laughter and joy of a new begining! Isn't that just like God! "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28

From the Top!

I was born into a Christian family of 1 brother, and 2 sisters. A mother and father that took us to church every time the doors were opened and when they weren't physically able to take us, they called neighbors! Imagine that, being too sick to go yourself, yet sending you children with someone else. "Train a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 My daddy was my hero, my mother was my motivator and my siblings were the pain in the necks they were created to be! LOL! JK I love you guys! I have good childhood memories, 1 TV, 1 bathroom, and 1 car in the early years! Yes, 4 females and 1 bathroom on Sunday morning and I don't remember it ever being a problem to make it to 10am Sunday School. We had a "vette", Chevrolet Chevette that is. Teal Green, 4 door and not 1 inch of fabric in it. That's right, all vinyl! That was leather to us! I can still remember the smell of vinyl and the soy bean plant on 129. Oh, the memories!

I remember my siblings riding the bus to school, and my parents carpooling and picking up a co-worker on the way! In return, a bag of vegetables, not expected, but out of appreciation to the kindness shown by my family who had enough excuses to say "we can't" by today's standards, but didn't. Today, the "Jone's" way, we all skip church to stay home and wipe each others noses, each child has their own TV and at least 2 game systems, their own bathroom and we can't make it to 11:00 service on time. Daddies are those males that fill the bank accounts for the Target shopping trips with overtime at work and when they get a day off, they are off to the golf course, ball field for the weekend tournament, or lake to fish alone because "Sonny" will scare the fish off. Moms are busy proving they are equal to a man in the world which translates to being better than the man. We have at least 2 cars before our kids hit driving age at which time we add one per 16 year old and we fail to offer a ride to that co-worker living 1 neighborhood over out of fear of not getting the compensation we "deserve". Siblings are still the pain in the necks they were created to be, only, the fun loving picking I remembered that ended with laughter, usually ends in tears and the dreaded "I can't wait until I can move out of here" comment. So, what's different? The Jone's? Well, keeping up with them at least. Sure, there has always been the Jone's, I only grew up in the 80's, I just never had that family that desired to keep up with them... Thank God! So, am I saying I had a perfect family? Life? No! One bathroom people! We had many faults, but we were happy. So when I woke up one day on the brink of loosing everything, miserable and without hope, I remembered a day when I was truly happy... poor!

Why do I have a blog??

Am I so self-righteous that I actually think people would want to follow me? Absolutely NOT! Does the Lord place things in my heart that I want to share with friends and family other than FB? YES! I have been moved to make major changes in my attitude, life, children's lives, husband's life, dog's life, guinea pig's life... well, that probably going a little far, but, God is definitely moving and I want to share with all of you the things He has placed in my heart. ***Disclaimer: These are guidelines God has placed for me and my family, you must seek the Lord first in your life before making any changes related to my posts, otherwise your following me not Him! I hope that through this blog, I will gain support of prayers in my journey, mentors of those gone before me and accountability partners to help me stand firm on the right foundations! So, if you fall in any of these categories, please feel free to subscribe to my blog. Thanks!